Eau de Carlsberg

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He texted me two hours before we were supposed to meet: “I still really want to see you, but you should know I had a really heavy night last night, and I’m extremely hungover. Also, I am wearing inappropriate shoes.”

I presumed that this was a nice way of saying he needed to cancel, and I asked if he’d rather postpone, but no.

He did indeed turn up for the date bleary-eyed, reeking of booze and wearing dive boots.

Office Romance: A Cautionary Tale

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There’s a compelling reason to never, ever EVER date anyone that you work with; if it all goes wrong, you still have to see them every day.

Here’s Jonesy, with a tale of office romance that didn’t end happily ever after:

“I met Claire at work. She had the instant WOW factor; proper crazy crazy hair, dark thick rimmed geek glasses and a slash of crimson lip gloss.

I immediately sent my spies off into the office to find out her status… Bingo! She’s single! I set about my charm offensive…

Continue reading Office Romance: A Cautionary Tale

Hair We Go Again

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Thanks Kate for sending in this snippet from what surely was a wonderful date:

“Your hair’s naturally like that, isn’t it? Aye… No-one would choose to have it looking that mental.”

Kate admits that her hair can be a law unto itself, but really that was rather harsh.

Thanks Kate for sending your story in!

Quiz Time: Is Internet Dating Right for You?

There are plenty of things that I’m not an expert in. For example, I can’t speak Russian. I’m also a reasonably lousy dancer. Hand me a unicycle and I’ll hand it back, shamefaced. Leave me in the woods overnight, I’ll get eaten by squirrels.

Continue reading Quiz Time: Is Internet Dating Right for You?

Ignorance isn’t Bliss

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Thanks Tim for this story:

“I met with Jane, who told me that she was separated, but not technically divorced.  

Sadly her husband was blissfully unaware of this.”

Oh dear. It’s quite one thing to launch yourself back on the dating scene before you’ve fully recovered from your previous relationship. It’s another thing entirely to launch yourself back on the dating scene while you’re still in your previous relationship.

Better luck next time, Tim!

Dinner for One

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We were sitting in a restaurant when my date announced:

“I can’t actually afford to order anything.

But if you want to buy yourself something to eat, I’m more than happy to sit and watch you eat it.”

The U-Turn

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We’d been mates for a while, but I’d always had a bit of a crush on him.

After a particularly lovely night out, he suddenly leaned in and kissed me.

My heart was pounding. my mind was spinning, my cup of joy was overflowing.

And then he pulled away, paused, and said:

“Errr, I didn’t mean to do that. I really didn’t mean to do that. I like you and everything, but not in that way. Sorry.”

The whole episode was over within five minutes. The crushing sense of defeat lasted for months.

The Amazing Spiderman

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It was my second date with a work colleague. I knocked on his front door, only to be greeted with a shout:

“HELP! HELP! HANNAH, GET IN HERE NOW!”.

The door was open, so I shoved my way in, in a bit of a panic.

My date was in the lounge. Screaming. Armed with a vacuum cleaner.

“GET THE BASTARD THING OUT OF MY HOUSE!”, he shouted, gesticulating wildly with the hose of the vacuum.

He was pointing at a little spider in the corner of the room. Apparently he’d been trying to suck the little fella up using the vacuum cleaner, but the hose wouldn’t reach that far. Instead, he seemed to be using the machine as some sort of armour against the minibeast.

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HANNAH, HELP ME! KILL THE FUCKING THING!”.

I got a chair, a glass, a bit of card, and escorted the spider outside.

That was the most memorable part of the whole date.

Bigot’s Banquet

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Here’s Matt with a tale of a disastrous date:

“I was in a restaurant, on a second date with Veronika, a Russian girl from my Masters Program.

Half way through the first course, I realised that the fact she talks incessantly without pause wasn’t actually first date nerves, but a part of her character.

Continue reading Bigot’s Banquet