The Fine Art of Small Talk


This horrendous date comes from an anonymous contributor:

“We had our first date in a lovely country pub. The conversation was flowing well until:

Him: “I read something interesting in the newspaper this week”

Me: “Yes?”

Him: “Apparently, the thing that determines how long you’re going to live isn’t what your parents died of, it’s how old they were when they died”.

Me: “Oh?”

Him: “Yes. My parents are still alive. How about yours?”

Me: “Errrrrrr, my mum’s still around. My dad died a while ago”

Him: “Really? How old was he and how did he die?”

Me: “Can we talk about something else, please?”

Him: “Don’t be shy, you can tell me!”

Me: “Really, I’d rather talk about something else.”

Him: “But it’s an interesting conversation!”

Me: “I really don’t want to discuss it.”

Him: “Oh come on, this is fascinating stuff!”

Me: “Fine. He killed himself when he was 59. There you go”.

Him: “Oh right. Did he kill himself for any particular reason? He didn’t have any genetic diseases or anything, did he?””


Thank you, Anonymous Friend. You have my deepest sympathy.

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