This is terribly shallow of me, and I’m quite ashamed.

I went on a date with a chap who may have been very nice, but I genuinely have no idea. I couldn’t concentrate on anything he said all evening because I was too transfixed by the enormous pulsating boil next to his nose. Seriously, I think it had hypnotic powers as I couldn’t look away from it all night.

I’m very sorry, Mr Whoever-You-Were.