“You think I’m going to attack you?”

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Thanks Kate for sending in this skin-crawling story:

“I’ve now had three rape jokes made at me on first dates. This one is my ‘favourite’:

Me: “I’m not sure going for a walk in an isolated spot by a river is so advisable, really”

Him: “What, you think I’m going to attack you or something?”

Me: (Very uncomfortable laugh) “Ha… er, well, no, but…”

Him “Well, there would be one problem with raping you, wouldn’t there? You see, if I rape you now, you’ll be wise to me next time, and then I’ll only get to have sex with you once.”

Me: (rather flabbergasted but trying for scathing) “Oh right, so you’re playing the long game then?”

Him: (apparently pleased to discover we’re on the same page) “Yeah, that’s right!”

That’s right, guys dating ladies: If in doubt, put her at ease with a rape joke. I never saw him again. I am also reviewing my protocol for sarcasm deployment. It clearly ain’t foolproof.”

Thanks Kate. I’m astounded that anyone would consider that a winning line on a first date. Or any date. Or any social situation.

If you’ve got a story to share, please drop me a line here.

6 thoughts on ““You think I’m going to attack you?””

  1. Hmmmm, ‘nothing breaks the ice more than the implied threat of sexual violence’, man this blog is great! I’m picking up so many great tips ! Oh, wait…

  2. Also, ladies dating guys: If in doubt, put him at ease with a rape joke. I (lady) didn’t feel the date was going particularly well, and he was a bit too keen, so I thought my Really Awful joke would put him off… He didn’t take up my offer of a second round.

    1. Impressive approach there, I like the idea of attempting to actively put people off when you need to put the breaks on a date.

      I’m now compiling a mental list of phrases you could slip into a conversation* to ensure they’ll never want to see you again.

      *such as; “How soon can I meet your mother?”, “I believe that honesty is very important in a relationship. So you should know that four of my previous husbands have vanished in mysterious circumstances.”, “I’m looking forward to dating seriously once my gonorrhoea has been treated.”

      1. “I would expect you to learn .”
        Also: assume a journalist/interviewer role and see whether s/he remembers to ask you any questions and not just talk about him/herself. This approach ensures good anecdote material.

  3. “I would expect you to learn my native language.”
    Also: assume a journalist/interviewer role and see whether s/he remembers to ask you any questions and not just talk about him/herself. This approach ensures good anecdote material

    (attempt 2, sorry, failed by html)

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